The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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