At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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