I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
