do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
