when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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