I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Girls should come with a carfax report
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
