chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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