so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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