She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
