Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
