Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
