I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
