Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
