It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
