I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
