I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You have to summon your inner elephant
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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