oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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