mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
