me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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