So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
