speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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