Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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