How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
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