I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am puke
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
