Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
