A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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