So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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