His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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