he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
