im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
