Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
