I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
