So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
