I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
