just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
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