the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm like, not good at living.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
