Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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