were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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