I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's blow job season.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
