remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
