i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
