if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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