I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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