Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
