it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
