So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
