dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
