btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
