It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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