Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
