my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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