Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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