His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
