I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
