who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
