im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
