is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
