this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
