You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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