You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
