my sisters under your porch take her home
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
