I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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