I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
