I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
