Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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