How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
