Porn is love you can see.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
