She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
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Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
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It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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