Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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