bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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