you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
...so i touched it.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
