a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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