now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm just crazy horny about you
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
