If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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