I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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