you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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