Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
